So, as someone who has always been reasonably intelligent and fairly quick to grasp new things, I never learned how to study. I never really needed to, and that proved detrimental later on. I get excited about projects, but combine my quickly waning interest in the face of having to do more that the initial understanding with my excellent procrastination skills, and I fail pretty quickly. Except that I’m reasonable intelligent and quick on the uptake, which makes me really good at bullshitting, and that got me through some of high school and much of art college. Though I chose to be at art college, and put effort into the classes I cared about. Anyway.
The point is! As someone with that background, it pleases me to announce that college the second time round is a change. I’m having to study for at least one of my classes, and the others require me to be present, and do some work outside of class. So far (approximately 2/3 through the semester), I’m average 100% in Algebra, 96% in Intro to Vet Tech, have two A+’s on essays in composition and fully expect another on the one I’m handing in monday. My freshman seminar is pass/fail, and since I’ve only missed one class for work, and volunteered to speak in a few others, I assume I’m on the Pass end of that.
I mean, this is just the beginning. Vet tech is the only class I really need to study for. But I study more for that than I have for anything. Ever. So, ramping up to real work. It feels different this time around. College the first time, I’m glad I went, but I’m not sure I should have? I mean, I should have. It led me here generally, so.
And I chose it. I wanted to go, very much. But also, I didn’t feel like there was an alternative. I didn’t want to get a job, I wanted to design lights, I wanted to move out and be independent. College was logical. But I was also tired of school. And I picked an arts school, not a liberal arts one. Very few of my classes, after freshman year drafting (which I absolutely loved) really taught me anything. They were practices and hypotheticals. I needed to justify my decisions, but as I said, I’m a pro at bullshitting. I think I got bored and frustrated.
But now, this is what I chose to do. And I had many other options. But I picked this school, this area of study, and I paid for it. (I think that also makes a difference. I’m also still paying off my undergrad, but when it’s just this cloud of debt it still doesn’t really sink in. Writing checks for three months and then seeing “Balance Paid” does.)
What I mean, is that combining that I want to be in school with the fact that I’m doing very well at it, with the fact that I have plenty of work and money these days, with the fact that I’m doing physical things that I like, and am artistically engaged with choreographing, I have no excuses not to be happy. And I am.
(Though my room is a disaster zone and that brings me down a little. Maybe I’ll do something about that tomorrow.)