Partly because of the previously-mentioned roommate annoyances, and partly because we really like each other, John and I are moving in together. I’ve been pushing for this almost as long as we’ve known each other. He has been very cautious and unwilling. For good reasons, though. He knows what he needs in terms of space, and doesn’t want to ruin our relationship because we move in together and he feels cramped and starts resenting me. This makes sense. But, he’s gotten to the point now where he’s willing to risk it, and sort of trusts that I’ll give him enough space, and that we won’t end up hating each other (and my rational is- that’s why we’re renting. If we hate each other, we just move out at the end of the lease. Easy).
But now the pain starts. Because he is so fucking picky. And some of it I get. He needs parking. This eliminates a lot of possibilities. He wants a good kitchen. So do I. We need a two bedroom. Etc. Some of it I get, but think he should get over just a little. Like wanting to live somewhere “pretty”. Which really means a house in the middle of nowhere with lots of trees and sky. Which I would like also, but we’re in New York, and I know you hate everything, but come on. Also, he seems to want to live in suburbia, and I don’t. This is an issue I should give in on as well. Compromise all around! Except I’m the one doing the compromising, and he’s wailing about how much he hates everything.
Another touchy issue is budget. Currently, he makes over 3 times what I do. And I’m going back to school. I (and most people I’ve talked to) think that this means it’s pretty reasonable that he pay more of the rent. Like, I put in 700, he can do 1000. He thinks we split it equally. There is not much available for 1400 in New York. Add in a two bedroom, parking of any kind, and “pretty”, and this narrows our options down a lot. To pretty much nothing.
So now I just found something that is in a neighborhood I know he likes, at our price range, the living room picture looks okay, and the kitchen picture looks like it needs a little work, but at least it’s a gas stove . And instead of being the least bit excited he goes straight to “the apartment sucks, and there won’t be parking. I do like the area, though.” ARGH.
I feel like I’ve got this recalcitrant turtle, and I’ve coaxed it out of it’s shell and into taking a couple steps, so now when it needs to cross a road (or something. This analogy is wonky, but stick with me) and it’s being all picky and mincing and whining about the asphalt, I can’t just yell at it to suck it up and help me out and if it hates everything I find then maybe he should find some places to look and holy hell stop being such a diva, because then the turtle will just snap back into his shell and not talk to me ever again.
Which is an exaggeration and unlikely, but still a fear. We’re not good at arguing. We very rarely need to, and it’s usually resolved quickly, but we’ve never out and out fought, and certainly never about anything this big, and it scares me. And I feel like I’m the only one it scares, which pisses me off.
We’ll see what happens. Worst case, I think we just won’t move in together. Which isn’t the end of the world. I just hope we can figure it out. And I hope we can have one of those adult conversations that I read about other couples having (we do have them. Just about other things.) and I hope we come out on the other side with a decent place that we both like, and that he gets excited about arranging furniture and finding how our stuff fits together.