Monthly Archives: June 2009

Bated breath

It’s a really good thing I’m leaving soon. I might go slightly nuts if I weren’t. I might also be going nuts because I’m leaving soon. I’m not sure. I do know that my room is an utter mess, I’ve been living on junk food for a few days, and I just didn’t go to work today, opting instead to stay home and watch the OC on hulu. Eesh. No good. I have so much to do, but so little will, and leaving is so soon that it’s just hanging on until I get out of here right now.

I need to clean my room. That will help. And I need to go to work tomorrow. I don’t think that will help, but it’s the right thing to do. I just feel stagnant. Again. Stuck.

Time to go play with the cats. I’ve been home all day, btu haven’t really been with them. They’re getting antsy.



Bleh. Headache and bored and still a little sick. I’ve determined that I caught this cold from my mother. Over the phone. You laugh, but! I talked to her over a week ago, and she said she was starting to get sick. About 4 days later (just about the right time for a cold to show up!) I woke up with a sore throat. I called her the other day and confirmed that her cold progressed pretty much exactly like mine. No one else I know is sick. Clearly, I got it from her.

It was a good week despite that, though. A lazy week. I was a little antsy about that by late last night, but I went to a rope class this morning which helped a lot. I like hanging out with John, but it did mean spending a lot of time not doing much. Actually, it didn’t. But it felt like it a little. We managed to do a decent amount of things, though not as much as planned.

We went to Mike’s restaurant the other day! It was great. Such good food, and we devoured it all. We sat outside, since it was one of the few periods of nice weather that we’ve had lately. It was expensive to me, but apparently not by manhattan standards. Even if it had been expensive, it would have been totally worth it. I had half a chicken. It didn’t stand a chance. Also, the strawberry rhubarb cobbler. But the highlight in general might have been the pork jowel nuggets. We didn’t actually order them, Mike sent them out (yay roommates), and they were fantastic. Really soft, sort of deep fried, and really sweet. I wasn’t expecting the sweet part. They were excellent though, and John refered to them as pig face for the rest of the night. The salt cod was also really good. So, if you’re in New York, go check out the Back Forty, lower east side. Not that they need my recommendation.

What else? We rode the Staten Island Ferry, looked at the aquariums on the other side, and came back. The way there was really cloudy and drizzly, so a nice ride in terms of being out and on water, but not so good for seeing anything and all. The way back cleared up nicely, though, and we actually got to stand outside. I refound this little oldfashioned burger place that I’d been to before. John pronounced them some of the best burgers in the city, which I was glad about. It would suck to have dragged him there if they weren’t so good*. It’s this great little place, tucked away, just stools for sitting on. The burgers are small, which really means the perfect size. One and a root beer float and I was done, and I have a mildly impressive stomach capacity. It was nice to finish everything and not feel stuffed. They have these pretty old lighting fixtures, and a faded feltboard menu sign where you can sort of read what used to be there in the fading. But then we asked how long it had been there, and it turned out not even a year and a half. They had just done a really good job of making it look like it was from the 30’s or so. I was so fooled. Still, good place.

*One of the odd things in my personality? psyche? issue-box? that i don’t particularly like, but don’t know how to get rid of at all, is that I feel personally responsible for a lot of things. Like, had this place sucked, I would have felt it was my fault, and been really embarassed about going there. Or if I pick a movie, and the other person ends up not liking it, clearly, I have fucked up, and their lack of enjoyment is on me. In little ways, I’ve gotten past this here and there, but it’s no good. Also, it strikes me as a little bit of hubris. Like, I must be pretty high and mighty if all this stuff over which I have absolutely no, or just tangential, control over, is somehow my fault. That’s another odd angle. Anyway.

Next week is going to be busy. I have to take snippet to the vet, I have to take myself to get a mammogram, I have to clean my room and pack, I want to buy some jeans and some more tank tops, maybe some leggings as well. I have to work in there as well, hang out with the cats as much as possible. Buy a ridiculous amount of cat food and litter. And hang out with John. I leave in a week. Eesh. Soon. It will be good, though. I’m a little nervous about showing up halfway through the session, but it should be fine. I’ll get at least a week without a tipi, who knows about the rest of the time.

I am debating buying a digital camera. It’s hard to pick one, and I hate reading reviews. I want a little point and shoot one, basically. But everyone has a different experience, some people are never happy, and some people have lower expectations. So it’s hard to sift through and figure out which one will work. Mostly, I want minimal delay between pushing the button, and having it take. Good quality, or course, but I don’t really care out the face detector thing, or the anti redeye and all. Anti-shake might be good, since I do have shaky hands, but I do all right without it with my film camera. Any suggestions welcome.

I also want a way to transfer pictures form my phone to my computer. The blackberry sync disk program seemed to fail, I think because I don’t have Office, but maybe I was doing it wrong.  Seems like I should be able to anyway. I have a bunch of cat pictures (of course) but also some nice ones of a tiger lily in John’s back yard. Among other things.


Oh goodness. Now I have to try to remember what happened the rest of the weekend. We got back to the hotel, and I passed out. John had me set the alarm for 8pm, I suppose so that we could get up and go hang out at Rob’s parents’ house (did I get the apostrophe’s right? I can never remember the possesive rules), and as soon as he did that, I knew we weren’t going anywhere. He doesn’t even remember hearing the alarm. I woke up and turned it off and passed out again.

It worked out, though, and we both felt so much better with our 12 or 13 hours of near-continuous sleep. The parents called in the morning, and we had breakfast with them and Dave and Dave’s wife, which was really nice. His parents really like John, conisder him a part of the family, and fortunately liked me a lot as well, which is always good. It was a good breakfast, we got to say goodbye to everyone and return the tux* and I got to hear stories about everyone. Good family type almost squabbling.

*So, John got really frustrated with having to wear a tux, and having to get measured, and was irritated that he couldn’t just wear his suit. So he measured himself. He lives with other people, but couldn’t be bothered to have them do it, and of course, his measurements were off. Fortunately, the pants have little waist adjusters, so I was able to take it in the extra 6 inches (yeah. I guess the tape was at some weird angle, and he measure in the wrong place or something. But he was 6 inchess off on that measurement, apparently), and he got the rest right enough. The sleeves were a little long, but not terribly, and in the end, he looked pretty good.

We lazed aroung a little and ended up going out to eat, and then finding a b&n so he could get him mom a birthday present and find a fathers day card, and the we went to see Up. Which was as fantastic as every one said, but in ways that I couldn’t have forseen, even with what warnings I had been given. It was also really sad. I cried several times. I want to talk to an 8 year old* and get all their impressions, since there were a lot of dark depressing themes in it. While still being a fantastic kids adventure movie. Then we went back to the hotel, ordered a pizza, and watched mythbusters till 1 am. What a great day all around.

*which I’ll be able to do soon. Camp in less than two weeks. I’m actually excited already. I hope it’s a good year.

Rob had wanted to hang out with us that evening, and we felt a little bad for blowing him off, but at the same time we were both exhausted and didn’t want to go out drinking again, just wanted to laze around and not have to do anything at any particular time, other than the movie. But even then, you have a variety of times to pick from, so there’s no real rush.

Then I woke up sick on monday. Sore throat and lousy feeling all day. It’s turned into a cold, all stuffy nose and lousy feeling. But it’s better than a sore throat, and better that throwing up, so I’m okay with it. Also, it seems to be on it’s way out. Or at least, progressing quickly.

Despite barely being able to swallow and wanting to just curl up in a pile of eulch and wait for it to pass, I ended up running around to a couple of car dealerships. John’s decided to buy another car, since his is dying and the costs of repairs/turbo additions and all were getting pretty high. The first place we went has the car he wants, almost, and they really really wanted him to take it. The lease numbers sounded sort of right, but the finance guy wouldn’t explain how he was coming up with them, which was really annoying. And time consuming. We were there for over 2 hours, mostly being talked at. I went and sat outside for a while to escape. Luckily enough, his dad is also friends with the general manager of another dealership, where he could likely get a deal, so we went over there. And surprise surprise, turns out that the first place had been charging him for a different (more expensive) model, and had lied about there being a rebate. Also, at this place, he’ll get the car for face value. The dealership won’t make any money on it, and will just give it to him for what they pay. He should have in within a month. Fun times. Lots of driving. Lots of boring. Lots of Halls lozenges. But a happy ending.

Tuesday was spent cooking. We tried to make lollipop chicken. The marinade failed. The dipping sauce was great. It took too long to make.

Tired. To continue the tradition, I will write about today later. I also want to record some opinions and observations here, not just detailing what happened. Someday I’ll figure out what I want this all to say.


This weekend ended up being pretty great. The drive up on friday was a little hellish, and took about 3-4 hours. Apparently friday at 2 is not such a good time to try to leave the city. And halfway up I realized that I forget my shoes, which was a bummer. They’re really nice, vintage shoes, that would have looked great and been decently comfortable. And I just left them sitting next to the couch. Oh well. Once we got settled at the hotel we found a shoe store not far away and I found a pair of nice suitable shoes for 20 bucks. So that worked out fairly well. There was a bunch of sort of miscommunications and such about John picking up his tux at Rob’s parent house, and we went up there and waited for over half an hour before we found out that they weren’t going to be home for at least another hour (it turned out to be another 3 hours, so, really good that we didn’t wait). At least it was a really nice drive over to them, and I got to see one of Johns favorite roads in connecticut.

We went over to Rob’s place and stuffed some pizza in our faces. Both of us wer starving from the drive and it was now about 6 or 7 at night. We hung out there a bit and admired his gun collection, which, holy crap, was big. 4 rifle type things (I know I’ll get names wrong. Oh well) and about 5 handguns, and his little tiny belt buckle revolver. That one I like. Then after having eaten pizza (John prudently just had one slice. I was in must-stop-blood-sugar-failure mode and ate 3) we went out to eat. Silly. But it was a good place, and the food was good, the maragaritas better. We talked a little about the impending doom of married life, the waitress agreed with us.

The wedding was scheduled for 10 30 in the morning, so we all had to get up stupid early (Really. 10 30. No wedding should happen before 3. If it were up to me.) especially since I had this plan to straighten my hair. Which John ended up doing for me. It looked pretty good.

So, they did the rehearsal about a week ago. With no one really there but the bride and groom. Silly thing #1. Second, no one really knew what was going on, or what should quite happen when. So there was a little bit of fussing and ‘no, no, you stand over there’ and such. The ceremony itself was okay. Shortish. BUt people kept going up to recite passages from the bible, and there were a bunch of prayers, and a lot of standing, then sitting, then standing, then kneeling. During all of this I noticed a yellow froot loop sitting at the edge of the pew in front of me. Since I had picked up a box of froot loops for breakfast (we didn’t have time for real food) I took this as some sort of sign from god. Not sure what it means, though.

My main objection is that vows and rings are supposed to be the last thing that happens, right? you do that, pronounce them, kiss, they walk out. But no. They did that and then we had to stand around for closing prayers. Bah. Also, at one point they did communion, which every church does differently, and in this case, they did it all wrong. Like, no wine. Like, the priest handed John the whole waffer instead of breaking it in to pieces. He took it back, all offended when John just stood there, trying to figure out what to do with this giant biscuit. He had also handed it to him right where he was, instead of telling him to go line up, like usual. Weird.

But Rob and Carole seemed to have a good time. Lots of little looks and comments between them during, which I always like. I was way towards the back of the church, so I missed some stuff, but that was okay.

The reception was great. I mean, I was bummed that there wasn’t more dancing, and that I wasn’t brave enough to go join in what dancing there was. But otherwise, the food was great, there was an open bar, and I got to hang out with people and have a good time. They wer all really nice, and made the socializing easy. I met some of the people I’d only heard about. I took a bunch of pictures. Some people got pictures of us, which is good, since John and I realized that we don’t have any pictures of the two of us. I’m not photogenic at all, so we’ll see what people ended up with.

We were supposed to go back to the hotel, change, and then go to Rob’s parents house for hanging out and pizza type things after, but I was exhausted by then and just passed out. I think I’ll have another entry about sunday and monday, since I’m typing lying down with a cat over my wrists, making typing interesting.


Pidgeon woke me up this morning by knocking a glass of water over.  Good way to start. At least I don’t have work today.

I’m starting to get excited about camp. I get to hang out with a bunch of people that I never see otherwise, and I’m getting my trapeze soon, and I have plans of how to make a carrying bag for it. I’m taking 2 more rope classes and 3 more trapeze classes before I leave, so I should have some new stuff to teach this year. I’m glad I went back to the rope class. The first time I liked, but wasn’t that into for some reason, and now while it’s still not my thing, it’s fun. I love the teacher, and I really like getting to manipulate my body and the rope into different patterns that work. I like the kind of useless wraps, the ones where you turn and wrap and turn, and then do one little thing, and the rope just swirls off you. The set up is the trick.

I hope this weekend will be fun. I hope the wedding is good. I mean, it’s a bad idea for him to get married, he really shouldn’t. But I hope John doesn’t punch the girl or anything. I hope he doesn’t get super-depressed about it all. I hope I don’t have to run interference too much. I’m al little mystified about the reception. There’s not going to be dancing. What? Isn’t that half the point of a reception? So, what, we sit around and eat and talk? No electric slide? This is dissapointing. Oh well. So it’ll be interesting to findout what that’s all about. I hope it’s not a long wedding. I hope the weather is good. I need to check on that now. Yesterday summer kind of poked it’s head out and said ‘oh, right, I should do something. Right. I guess it should be a littlw arm then?’ but now we’re back to the rain and grey. Lame. The wedding is inside, so it doesn’t totally matter. Yep, I just checked. 70 degrees and thunderstorms. I was planning on straightening my hair, so that poses a problem there. Because the weather should adjust itself to my hair needs. Oh well. We’ll see what happens. I’ve also never straightened my own (or anyone else’s), so we’ll see how that goes.

I need to clean my room. I have some time to do this, it mainly needs ot get done before I leave, since my friend’s girlfriend is staying here for a few weeks. She of course said, oh, don’t worry about it, but she does not know me, and the level of sloppiness that I am capable of. Also, it has a tendency to get dusty pretty quickly, so I at bare minimum need to do something about that. And, you know, all the paper and clothes I have strewn around.

Trapeze by myself later today. Always good, but nervewracking a little. All the attention is on me.

Almost tired

Long, good day. Mostly. It improved over time. Sort of. Hmm. It had a good ending. I had to go strike the paramus thing. NJ transit is really kind of awful. Buses run pretty close to schedule, but that’s about the only good thing. I guess the buses are clean, too. But really, one bus an hour? That part drives me nuts. Also, there are several different kinds of the bus number I needed. All the same number. But one goes just to the mall, one runs express, one skips some other stuff. It’s all very confusing. Anyway.

Strike went fine. This annoyed maintenance guy tried to take the genie lift from me, but I swuashed that. He didn’t even need it for another hour, so I’m not sure why he was taking it away just to charge it. Whatever. Other than that, and being on my own for the whole thing, it was fine. And I missed the bus I needed, and the next one got me back too late to really go to my next job, so I got to go home early. So, um, thanks, njt, for sucking, so I could have a free afternoon.

Mike got home a little after me, and was sort of freaking out. He just got a promotion and a raise, which is great, but he has no days off for the next month, and has an insane schedule, and the restaurant he works at asked him to work at their other place as well. So, something like double shifts every day for the next month. Couple that with an already-in-place anxiety disorder, and he started having a panic attack. Which was really odd to watch. He was talking a bunch and mentioned feeling terrible, which I assumed was because he went out drinking the night before (which he mentioned also), but then he started saying he thought he was close to a breakdown, and that he thought he was having a panic attack. I wasn’t sure what to do, and offered a couple things. Around this time he also started twitching and looking really miserable. Sudden muscle tic/spasms. Good thing he had some idea, and had me look up the nearest hospital and call him a car. He came home less than an hour later, still feeling lousy, but panic gone, so that was good.

And then I had rope class! Always fun. I really like the teacher, and while rope isn’t my thing, it is fun, and I got to try some new stuff, and relearn some old things the right way. Satisfying. I’m going to two more before I leave. I also want to schedule 3 trapeze classes. And perhaps go to aerial playtime once or twice. I want to get in as much aerial training as possible before I go off and try to teach it. I’m glad I have enough money right now to take all these classes.

Okay. Now I am tired. And it’s time to sleep. Short day tomorrow, always good.

Day of leisure

This is fantastic. I got home at 1 30 last night, since the show ended at about 10 30, and the next bus wasn’t till 11 16. It almost passed us by, but somehow noticed (in the dark and rain, so I undrstand how he almost missed us) and we got on. Then over an hour to port authority and an hour n the subway. But I got a bottle of wine, and I got to hear dancer gossip, and I have nothing to do today. I wok up at 8 30 and fed the cats, woke up at 11 and said nope, not enough sleep yet, and then woke up at 1 30. The cats think thisis great, I’m actually around and they get to curl up with me. The sad thing about a day of leisure, though, is that it’s now 3pm, and I feel like it’s almost over. I have a few things I need to do, and there’s just not enough time for all the laziness I want to get done.

Continuing on the theme of people who shouldn’t have gotten married, this girl I knew in college is at the top of that list. She moved to new york a couple years ago. August a couple years ago to be specific. She started dating this guy in like october, maybe november. He seemed perfect, she’s the type who wants things to be perfect, and he started proposing some time in december. So then they got married last august. Jesus. It seems to me (being a totally judgemental outsider to all of this. I just read it on her myface blog) that this guy is way too young, first of all, and secondly, somehow had this very girlish (by which I mean the type that most girls have when thy’re young) image in his head. He seemed to be totally in the infatuation stage, and then have this really traditional wedding in mind and he really liked the idea. So he playacted through it. Because it was fun and exciting and he was oh so in love. She was too, but theydiscovered over the course of planning the wedding that she was not so traditional. She just wanted to go down to city hall in jeans and call it good. He was like ‘if you don’t wear a white dress, it means you don’t think so much of me’. What? Anyway. My interpretation is that she, while being easily swept up in this, was looking forward to the marraige. She may have ahs an idyllic unrealistic vision of domestic life, but she really wanted a life partner. He was really excited about the wedding and had some vague idea of what life after was, and was sure that whatever it was, it would have rainbows and sunshine and he’d be rich. Because it was ‘in the future’. So they got married. And of course now he’s turning sullen, hates her haircut, they don’ talk much, he called her a bitch, blahdy blahdy blah. I have nothing to do with this, so I have no reason to get worked up at all, but it bugs me. I want to slap some sense into her (although she seems to be sort of getting it already), but I don’t know her that well. And it’s none of my business. She does say, though, “We’d like to think we didn’t make the biggest mistake of our lives, and that… somewhere out there is someone who loves us enough to tell us the truth if we did.” Well, I certainly don’t love her, but man, I do want to tell her. Anyway.

I’m hungry. It’s time to get up, put on a dress (it’s not raining today! I can see sky! Celebrate!) go foodshopping, drop off my laundry (yeah. I figured out that it only costs like 5 or 7 bucks more to drp it off, and it’s so worth 5 or 7 bucks to me to have someone else swap it to the dryer, and fold everything. The ease of it is addicting), and something else. Take out the trash. That and visiting John for dinner is all I have planned for today. Huzzah.

Written 2 days ago

I’m writing this in an email at work, will post eventually.
I’m exhausted. Somehow I can’t work as much as I used to be able to. Though then I remember that I haven’t really had a day off in 3 weeks, and I had a few solid weeks before that. So being wiped out is not totally ridiculous.
I just set up for the dance show that I do every year in New Jersey, and get to run it tonight and tomorrow. The setting up went smoother than usual, which was great. I hired a friend of mine from the usual fashion stuff, and he grew up in the area, so we were able to actually go out and get lunch (he paid. Unexpected, nice, and odd) and we worked a good steady pace. The one snag was not having the right kind of adaptors, so we sat around and watched dancers try to unroll a marley floor until those showed up. But then the real fun started. They have this front light that’s way up in the ceiling, a pretty good position for front light, actually, except that there’s no way of reaching it. The genie lift that they have is about 10 feet short, and the only other option is to put the genie on a forklift, or something like it, and lift that up. Which is ridiculous, and the school won’t let me do. The fucked up thing here is that it’s been getting progressively worse every year. In more than 3 years, they haven’t gotten anyone to come out (they have a company that does this stuff for them, supposedly) and, say, replace the 5 lamps that have burned out. Lift up the other 4 that have dropped focus. Ridiculous. It wouldn’t be so bad except that they’re charging the dance school about 14 grand to use the theatre for the weekend. For that kind of money, all the lights you have had better work. Irritating. Also irritating is that I could have rented lights to fill in and sort of fix this, but the operations guy kept giving me false hope about being able to reach them. So now when I go in today I’m going to take the lift up as high as I can, and poke at the lights with a stick, see if I can fix the focus of the few that work just a little.
Next saturday John and I are going to his friend’s wedding. This guy should not be getting married, and knows it, but is going through with it anyway out of some feeling of guilt or obligation or something. They’re just going to get divorced and then he’ll have to pay child support for the kid she already has, along with giving her the house and just about everything else. I understand that since women usually get the children in a divorce, and have to single parent and work at the same time, they should get some kind of payment. But I think divorce laws in this country should be worked over. Or something. Another of my friends just finalized his divorce. They were together for a few years, no kids, she left him. And yet! He has to pay her 600/month for the next two years, plus take out a 20,000 life insurance policy with her as benificiary, plus pay 2,000 of her lawyer fees. Plus his own. This is retarded. I may be a woman, but I think dovorce settlements favor women way too much. But I’m getting ahead of myself. What’s irritating at the moment is that this woman that Rob is marrying, while she is a perfectly nice person and all, is putting all kinds of restrictions on him. Like- she came over when he and John were sitting around having a beer and freaked out because “oh my god, you can’t drink in front of my kid”. Like- she told him he’s not allowed to buy anything for the next year, because they have to pay for the wedding. This means specifically, anything he wants to buy car part wise, or tool wise or anything else that qualifies as a ‘toy’ is verboten. But he and his parents are paying for the whole wedding, she’s putting in nothing. Etc etc. The list of her faults goes on. Basically, she’s single, has a kid, and is starting to worry about that, and so found Rob who can support them. I really hate women like this, and I hate that there are men that let them be. And Rob is a really cool guy otherwise, so it’s kind of depressing that he is one of those guys. I get, though, that at this point he feels guilty, perhaps like he’s led her on, and so feels trapped and like he’s obligated himself into this corner. Because he is a nice guy. But it’s just going to fuck them all over later, especially him. Frustrating.
John is particularly irritated about all this (especially since he’s a groomsmen and has to wear a tux), but we’re both looking on the happy side of an open bar, a hotel room, and me taking the next 3 days off work so we get 5 days to just hang out and do whatever. That part is going to be great.
It’s been really unsummer-like around here, which is depressing. We got a couple weeks and I got to wear dresses, but then it turned grey and drizzly, with a few thunderstorms mixed in. I like the summer thunderstorms, but the rest of it needs to go away. Especially for the wedding, since I have a pretty new dress to wear.
I’m getting sick of my day job. Which makes sense, for most work I have an attention span of under 2 months, and I’ve been here just over that. I’m just bored, and getting so much other work that this and it’s 12/hr seems really not worth it, but at the same time I like the people here, and I feel obligated to finish projects. But I’m bored, so I stall, and projects take twice as long. But it keeps me from getting to many new things to do.
I’ve been reading a lot (need to update my list there), and most of it really good stuff. I’m currently getting bogged down in Justine, by Lawrence Durrell. I like it, but it’s so thick and heavy. Not literally, it a nice slim paperpack of good holding size. But word-wise. I’m sort of dreading that there are three more of the Alexandria quartet to slog through. But maybe I’ll acclimate and it’ll get easier to read. The interesting thing is that I can actually see the similarity between his writing and Gerald Durrell, his brother’s. They both have this fantasticly thick, beautiful descriptive quality. But Gerald has much more of a sense of humor, and his writing is somehow lighter. It could be subject matter. They’re similarly evocative, but evoking very different things, and maybe that’s what’s affecting my view. Lawrence is also much more intellectual, and I know I’m just missing so much because of historical and literary references that I’m not familiar with. Oh well. I do like it, it’s just a little draining to read.
I have to stay here another hour. I may nap under my desk.